And for OSU fans who think it’s hilarious that Michigan is garbage… This is the reason were gonna play in the Rose Bowl and not title gm.
— Dustin Fox (@DustinFox37) November 16, 2013
Far be it from us to disagree with a legendary corner from the Buckeyes’ most recent national championship. Except that, you know, we are about to do exactly that.
Count us among those amused by TTUN being garbage. Watching them almost lose to Akron and then almost lose to UConn back-to-back weeks was one of the purest, most amazing feelings of euphoria we’ve ever experienced that was legal in all 50 states. It’s been years and years and we still chortle at the words “Appalachian State”. Hell, we will sit around and wait for Kordell Stewart’s Hail Mary that beat the skunkweasels back in the 1950′s even if the rebroadcast of that game is only in the first quarter.
The times when we were able to witness RichRod’s teams flailing around impotently throughout his too-short reign in Ann Arbor* were truly blessed.
* – whore.
Yes, we are aware that the Wolverines’ loss to USC in the 2007 Rose Bowl and the following Appalachian State schadenfreude-fest was one big reason why the B1G is perceived as a step up from junior varsity Pop Warner (along with a few other games that we shall not mention for TOO SOON reasons). However, we submit that this perception would exist even if TTUN had not spent the nights preceding App State blazing up the reefer and laughing among themselves at what an embarrassing opponent they were going to face.
Not to go all conspiracy theorist on you, but when it comes to college football the Big Ten Network is one of the few real competitors to ESPN – who has a deal with the SEC, the ACC, and others when it comes to broadcasting rights. Another major player in college football broadcasting is CBS, who carries SEC games and like one bowl game. If people think the B1G is terrible, they’ll more likely switch to, say, an SEC game when the choice is there. More viewers = more advertising money. More advertising money = more profits. CBS and ESPN are ultimately businesses, and most businesses are in business to make profits. It behooves ESPN and CBS to have a down B1G, and it behooves them to have a dominant SEC.
This isn’t to say the B1G isn’t bad or that the SEC hasn’t been dominant. This is to say that perhaps – just perhaps – the gulf between the conferences hasn’t been as big it’s perceived to be. That perception, of course, being shaped by organizations like ESPN and CBS.
But we’re really digressing from the most basic point – that you have no good reason to root for TTUN this time of year. It’s really basic math:
Ohio State’s opponents’ combined records*: 57-66
Ohio State’s opponents’ combined records if Michigan had lost to Northwestern: 57-66
Ohio State’s opponents’ combined records if Michigan had lost to Indiana AND Northwestern: 57-66
In other words, when TTUN plays a common opponent of the Buckeyes, the result of the game has no real impact on the Buckeyes’ cumulative opponents’ win-loss record. If they lose to a B1G opponent that’s not on the Buckeye schedule that just means the B1G is even stronger. There’s no real downside to TTUN being horrible.
* – This includes teams the Buckeyes haven’t yet played but doesn’t include the B1G championship game because we don’t know anything for certain yet and if you think you do, shut up. But if we included it our case would have only been stronger. Trust us.
If you MUST root for TTUN, do so before conference play starts. Or do what we do and acknowledge that TTUN winning helps the Buckeyes while not actually wanting it to happen for schadenfreude-ian reasons. As far as the Buckeyes’ schedule is concerned, we’re just fine strength-wise with TTUN being 4-8 (0-8 in conference) every year. If you’re not fine with it too maybe you should look in the mirror and ask yourself why you would put yourself into a position where TTUN winning would make you happy.
Then consider drinking bleach as penance. Because people who root for TTUN are bad.